


I Love You

by becauseimbatmanfan



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: D E A T H, M/M, Rated T for swearing, batman is actually kinda nice in this one, blame her, clark is a bBY hes confused and valid and i love him, diana is a goddess as usual, hal is a Good Friend, i love these two thats why i hurt them like this, idk how to rate these shrug, nat inspired me to do this, newcastle ref, not today lol, rarepair hell, when will john be happy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseimbatmanfan/pseuds/becauseimbatmanfan
Summary: John informs Barry of the inevitable, and it all spirals downwards from there





	I Love You

“What’ll you do when I die?” John liked to be blunt about pretty much everything, and this was no exception. 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, love.” John stared Barry down, demanding an answer.

“You mean… if,” Barry said carefully.

“No, love. When. I’m a damned man, Allen. Sooner or later, the devil’s gonna come to collect his price. I wanna be sure that when that day comes, you’re not gonna come knocking on his door demanding my soul back. Because I’m not worth it, love. I’m not worth any of it.”

“John, you’re worth all of it. I love-”

“Don’t. Don’t say it. Not if you’re gonna expect me to say it back.” Barry felt like he’d been stabbed. How was he not supposed to be hurt by that? But what he didn’t know- and what John would never, ever admit- is that he would always hear it back. Every single time. John didn’t want that. He didn’t want someone else to be put in harm’s way because of him. Not again. Because every time he fell in love, his lover always died. Always. 

“I thought we had something special, John.” The poor man looked like he was about to cry. Everything in John’s heart was telling him not to ruin this, not again, that maybe, just maybe, it could work. But he knew it would only end in heartbreak, so he did what he did best. He pushed Barry away. 

“You thought wrong.” Barry actually took a step back, shocked. John always knew exactly what Barry was feeling. Right now, he was heartbroken. It was a look he had seen on so many faces that it barely registered.

But this was Barry. Barry was different. And this was most likely the worst breakup John had been through. Not that he had been in many serious relationships anyway. He could count them on one hand.

John turned his back on him and walked away.

~~~

“You fucking asshole!” John felt the fist before he saw it, and he was down on the ground after three more punches. 

“Ah, hello, Jordan.”

“How could you?!” John was knocked down again as soon as he got up. “You were everything to Barry! He _loved_ you!”

“A mistake on his part.” He was rewarded for that with another punch. 

“For God’s sake, he’s been through enough without you coming in to ruin his life.”

_You don’t know half of what I’ve been through, love._ That was what he wanted to say. But he didn’t. He said nothing. He just let Hal beat him up. A part of him knew he deserved it. For what he did to Barry. To everyone he loved. To Astra. 

He didn’t know how long he lay there, taking Hal’s punches. It didn’t matter. It would never be enough. 

“Hal!” The anguished cry ripped through the air, making Hal pause. It was Barry. He ran over and pulled Hal off of John. “Hal, stop!”

“No! He deserves it!” Hal struggled against Barry’s grip, but eventually stopped. Barry was silent for a long time, looking down at John. Something flashed through his eyes. Fear? Anger? Pain? It was unusually hard to tell for a man who wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Let’s go.” Barry’s voice was cold and emotionless, devoid of all happiness it usually held. John looked up at him, shocked. What had happened to his ray of sunshine? His happy little angel? In his heart, he knew. John Constantine happened. 

“You’re pathetic,” Hal spat. 

John looked up at him. “I know.”

As Barry led Hal away, leaning on him for support, John felt a twinge of jealousy. He quickly pushed it down. _He’s better off with Jordan anyway,_ he thought. _It’s clear they love each other._ He got up, lit a cigarette, turned around, and walked away. 

He didn’t see Barry look back at him longingly. 

~~~

“What d’you want, Spooky?” John took a swig of beer, staring down Batman, not even surprised that he had gotten through all the magical protections that surrounded his apartment. 

“The League needs your help.”

“Fuck off.” He took another swig of beer. 

“No.” And that was final. When Batman said no, he wasn’t backing down, ever. Even John knew that. But he wasn’t one to back down either. 

He took a few steps toward him, so that the two men were face-to-face, even though John had to look up slightly to look Batman in the eye. Damn him and his shortness. 

“What exactly do you need my help with?”

“A demon.”

“It’s always a demon, isn’t it? Well, go find some other magic user, ‘cause this one’s unavailable.”

“Really?” Batman looked at him skeptically. “Doing what? Drinking yourself to death?”

“Yeah. Somethin’ like that.” John walked away from Batman and plopped himself on his raggedy couch, downing the rest of his drink. 

“Get off your ass and do something good for once in your life, Constantine.”

“Don’t feel like it. Try again tomorrow.” Batman stared him down for a long time, but John didn’t budge.

“Maybe I will.” He turned to leave. 

“Good riddance,” John muttered.

Batman stopped halfway to the door, and looked over his shoulder. “You know, Barry spoke very highly of you when he recommended you to me.” That took John by surprise. Barry recommended him? And actually put in a good word with the Big Bat himself? He wasn’t expecting that. 

“Did he?” His face revealed nothing, but Batman already knew he had him on board.

“I suppose I’ll try again tomorrow.” Batman left the apartment, and John sank further into his couch, emotions swirling in him. He didn’t know what would happen if he saw Barry again. He might fall into bed with him- he quickly dismissed the thought. Barry was better than that. He wasn’t like John. What was more likely to happen was for John to make some stupid speech about how much he loved Barry and how sorry he was for leaving him. He would rather die. 

But then again… Barry needed his help. And who the hell was he to refuse?

He sighed heavily, and got up, putting on his trench coat. He opened the door, and found Batman standing there, as if waiting for him. “Glad you’ve come to your senses.”

“Oh, damn you, Batman.”

The smallest hint of a smirk played at Batman’s face. “Good to have you on the team, Constantine.”

~~~

“Why the hell is _he_ here?!” Hal yelled, glaring at John. 

“Jordan, play nice,” Batman warned.

“No! No, I won’t play nice! He-”

“I think we’re all aware of what he did, Jordan.” Batman glared at both Hal and John.

“Um, I’m not,” Superman said in a small voice. “What did he do?”

“Broke another heart, love,” John answered. “Nothin’ to it.” He glanced at Barry and saw him wince. God, he was gonna break his own heart if he continued like this.

“He broke _Barry’s_ -”

“ _Enough,_ Jordan.” Batman stared Hal down. “We need to get moving. Either we work as a team- yes, that includes you, Constantine- or we don’t and fail at capturing the demon. Got it? I trust you can put your emotions aside for long enough to handle this.”

A series of looks were exchanged between the men in the room, except Superman, who was still very confused about the whole ordeal. 

Diana huffed and rolled her eyes. “Men.” She turned and walked out of the briefing room. “Let’s go.”

~~~

Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman ended up being the only ones with their emotions in check.

It wasn’t enough.

The demon made quick work of all of them. Soon they were all either unconscious or too shaken up to do anything. John was the only one still standing, and he could see he wasn’t going to make it out of this one. He hadn’t gone down without a fight, though. He had given everything he had, and now he was spent. He wasn’t sure if he could even muster the strength to say the incantation for a useful spell.

“I told you, Barry,” he said under his breath. “It’s a when.” The demon plunged its sword towards John’s chest. “I’m sorry, love,” he whispered. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

It never came.

~~~

Barry saw John standing alone against the demon.

He saw the sword.

He saw the look on John’s face. Defeat.

He saw his lips moving, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Barry didn’t think. He just ran.

~~~

John opened his eyes when he heard the familiar crackle of electricity. The sight would haunt his nightmares for years to come.

Barry, with a sword through his chest.

Barry, on the ground, the blood blending in with the red of his suit.

The demon, standing over him, grinning and admiring his good work.

No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Barry wasn’t supposed to be the one to go. It should’ve been John.

John only felt rage. He used the last of his magic to conjure a portal and sent the demon straight to hell.

“Barry! Barry, look at me, stay with me, please.” He knelt next to Barry and cradled him in his arms.

He wasn’t sure how much was in his head and how much he said to Barry. It wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m so sorry, love. It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me.”

“Well, you can always come get my soul back.” Barry chuckled weakly. 

John let out a broken sob. “I can’t. Because you’re going to heaven, Barry, and I can’t follow you there.” In his anguish, he cried out to the devil himself, desperately trying to make a new deal. “Take me! Take me, you asshole! He doesn’t deserve to die, but I do. Give him back and take me instead!”

The devil spoke directly into his mind, making his skull hurt and his ears ring: _No._

“J- John…”

John looked at Barry, tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. “Stay with me, please, Barry.”

“Promise me something.”

“No, please, don’t talk like that, they can heal you-”

“Don’t blame yourself. Promise me.” Barry reached up and cupped John’s cheek in his hand.

How could John not blame himself? All of this was his fault. Again. Now another person he loved was going to die, because he couldn’t save his own ass. He hurt Barry, he tried to make sure this wouldn’t happen, but it did anyway. Because Barry loved John with all his heart, loved him so much it hurt. He would sacrifice himself a thousand times over if it meant John got to live another day. John saw that now, and it hurt like hell.

“I promise,” he lied.

Barry nodded, satisfied. “I love you.” His hand dropped, and he took one last shuddering breath, before becoming still and lifeless.

“I… I love you too,” John whispered. But it was too late.

**Author's Note:**

> iM SORRY


End file.
